In the future we'll all be gay
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
