he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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