She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize