your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is my gift to your gina
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
