She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
