You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
