Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
