The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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