If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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