There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
