2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
