You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
