I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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