life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
