i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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