it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
