I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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