Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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