You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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