It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
