I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
