we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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