im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
