she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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