Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
