he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
