i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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