Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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