dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I did not marry a roomba.
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