she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You pole danced in your parka.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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