Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
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