Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize