he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
