he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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