I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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