If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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