The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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