Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
