you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
