U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
