if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize