Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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