I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
