All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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