He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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