I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
