kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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