I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
