the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
