my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
