i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
