i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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