what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
