Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
