She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
