Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
