Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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