hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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