Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
