I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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