i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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