when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
