I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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