Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you never un-have a 4some
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
