my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
