mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she told me i tasted like america
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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