shes about as inviting as chlamydia
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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