My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
