Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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