More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize