So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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