69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
