So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
