I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
