OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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