What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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