I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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